These Words from A Dad Which Rescued Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate among men, who still internalise harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."